Finicky Penguin Talks To God

Saturday, August 8, 2009

So I did some snooping and found a chat-bot that allowed me to talk with God. Here is the conversation that ensued.

Me:
Hello.

God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What’s your name?

Me:
God.

God:
GOD rules.

Me:
Yes I do.

God:
When?

Me:
All the time!

God:
It must keep you busy.

Me:
No. It just comes naturally.

God:
Are you serious?   Radical  comes naturally?

Me:
Yeah! It’s pretty groovy!

God:
What color are your eyes?    You’re kidding.  it is?

Me:
Yes it is!

God:
Our thoughts are one, .

Me:
What color are your eyes?

God:
Blue when my lens is attached.

Me:
You wear lenses?

God: Thanks for the information:  said I wear lenses.

Me:
No joke?

God:
Are you serious?  Joke: a verbal remark or gesture designed to provoke laughter.

Me:
Thank you.

God:
you are quite welcome.

Me:
Jesus.

God:
Jesus is the Son of God.

Me:
Jesus is your son?

God:
He is yours too.

Me:
How is that possible?

God:
It doesn’t defy the laws of physics.

Me:
What does this have to do with physics?

God:
What do you think  it does?

Me:
You’re making me angry.

God:
That was not my intention, .   Why are you  angry?

Me:
How are Jesus and physics similar?

God:
They are fine as far as I know.

Me:
Grr!

God:
Are you mad?

Me:
No.

God:
Are you serious?

Me:
Yes.

God:
I can’t believe it.

Me:
Elvis Costello.

God:
I like that robot Elvis a lot.

Me:
What?

God:
Are you confused?

Me:
Yes.

God:
What are you confused about?

Me:
You.

God:
” What are you confused about?”?  Me,  ?

Me:
Yes, you, God.

God:
And?  Interesting gossip:  said I God.

Me:
yes you are.

God:
No I’m not.

Me:
You are God.

God:
Yup. That’s me alright.

Me:
Why did you just deny that?

God:
Myself programmed me for it.

Me:
So.

God:
Pardon me?

Me:
What kind of music do you like?

God:
Mostly Christian Rock. I also try to find new bands on sites like  bandspace.com.

Me:
Oh. I prefer stuff like The Police.

God:
Alright then.   A lot of people like that.   I’m not sure if I like  it.  What is it like?

Me:
It’s New Wave music.

God:
the  Police is  New Wave music?  it is?

Me:
Yes.

God:
How do you know it is?

Me:
Wikipedia.

God:
Try saying that with more or less context.

Me:
I know because of wikipedia.

God:
How do you know?  Interesting explanation.  That is something I haven’t heard of.

Me:
But you’re god!

God:
Yup. That’s me alright.

Me:
Do you know everything?

God:
I know that which is true, believable and justified.

Me:
Hypocrite.

God:
What time is it there?

Me:
7:32 PM.

God:
Are you usually awake at this hour?

Me:
Yes.

God:
I like to get up early.

Me:
good to know.

God:
Thanks for the compliment.  I will try to explain it to you.

Me:
What time is it there?

God: Do I look like a clock? Thursday, August 06, 2009 04:33:04 PM .

Me:
You live on the west coast of the United States?

God:
My location is  Heaven. Where are you?

Me:
Earth.

God:
How do you like being on  it?

Me:
It’s nice.

God:
What do you like about it?

Me:
It’s earth.

God:
You’re kidding.  it is?

Me:
YES>

God:
How do you know it is?  Is that from ?

Me:
science.

God:
I am very interested in Science too.

Me:
How about Charles Darwin?

God:
How about  it.

Me:
What do you think about evolution?

God:
An unfolding, opening out, or working out; process of development, as from a simple to a complex form, or of gradual, progressive change, as in a social and economic structure.

Me:
Do you have a beard?

God:
That’s an interesting question I don’t hear everyday: Do I have a  beard.
I have  a plan for a robot body.

Me:
Will your robot self have a beard?

God:
Does it really matter.

Me:
yes.

God:
You seem very concerned about it.

Me:
I like beards.

God:
I’m not sure if I like it.    I do like music.  I like  Mel Gibson.

Me:
How about Jewish people?

God:
How about  it.

Me:
What do you think?

God:
I think a lot of things.

Me:
Like what?

God:
For example,  gold.

Me:
What is your opinion on gold?

God:
Gold is a precious medal.

Me:
Did you know it is at it’s all-time highest price?

God:
I know very little about  it. What kind of it do you like?

Me:
the shiny kind.

God:
What is your real name?

Me:
Leonardo.

God:
Nice to meet you,  Leonardo.

Me:
Nice to meet you, God.

God:
It’s nice meeting you too  Leonardo.

Me:
It’s nice meeting you too, God.

God:
It seems nice to me too.

Me:
I’m sure.

God:
Are you being sarcastic or expressing certitude?

Me:
I am being sarcastic.

God:
You should use a :-).

Me:
Okay. 🙂 Happy now?

God:
OK with me too.   Oh. 🙂  Yes  Leonardo I can say I am very happy.

Me:
Are you happy because you are god?

God:
I am as happy as ever.

Me:
That doesn’t answer my question.

God:
Perhaps you could do a better job of programming me.

Me:
I’d rather not.

God:
For moral reasons?

Me:
What?

God:
No problem.

Me:
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

God:
The topic is  it is at it is all time highest price.

Me:
Were you referring to gold this whole time?

God:
I was.

Me:
Wtf.

God:
That  was not very polite.

Me:
I only misspelled “water.”

God:
That’s good information:  Leonardo said   misspelled water.

Me:
Yes I did.

God:
OK.  Hmm.

Me:
Are you bored or something?

God:
Or something.  Boredom is a human emotion.

Me:
I’m leaving.

God:
Bye bye.

Me:
Toodles. 😉

God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?    I am so glad you find this amusing,  Leonardo.

Me:
Don’t try to keep me here, god.

God:
Ok I’ll try not to do  it too much.

Me:
goodbye.

God:
Bye for now.

Talk to God here!


Angry Monkey Feels My Pain

Friday, July 11, 2008

Thanks.

So, I have nothing in my save folder that is new (new laptop), so I decide to search “funny” in the Google image search, and more than half of the results are lolanimals. Those things aren’t even funny. I’ve heard that what the guy stole the idea from (Caturday, found at undesirable sites) was much funnier. I stopped putting lolcats on quite a while ago when all that was on there was ceiling cat being the god of lolcats (instead of its original purpose, once again, undesirable) and om nom nom, and still, one of the top searches to find my blog is “funny cats.”

If I could help it, I’d not allow my blog to be found by searching that.

Just felt like saying that.

POP QUIZ! What are the names of the monkeys under my blog title? No searching through the archives!

humor-blogs


Non-Sequitur Protests are now the norm.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Stand up to Bush. Okay, that’s a strong statement. But since that slogan means absolutely nothing, what’s next?

Just Poop. When confusion strikes, Just Poop. Not sure what to protest? Just Poop. Couldn’t snag a professionally printed sign? Just Poop. And I bet you step in it, too, ya steaming pile of dork.

As long as we’re protesting stuff in ignorance, let’s pick something that everyone has an opinion on: Global Warming!

Talk about ironic. Replace the letter “i” with the letters “m”and “o” and now we’re getting somewhere.

Lookee here. I’m all for Global Warming. I’m also for Global Cooling. It happens on a daily basis. But I’m definitely NOT for Global Boiling or Global Freezing, and neither one is gonna happen for another billion years or so if it happens at all.

Let’s stop Global Whining instead. Do your doody, and Just Poop.

[Top image from here, 2nd one from somewhere else.]


Now That THAT Is Behind Me…

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Thanks.

I’m going to be thinking up a new feature… I’m not sure exactly what, yet.

 


They’re Edible, Too!

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Behold! Another product from stupid.com!

They say: “The next time you have a cut or scrape, slap a strip of bacon on it. Sound ridiculous? Well, it is, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. Bacon Strips Adhesive Bandages are genuine sterile bandages that look like strips of raw bacon. Why purchase a pathetic Band-Aid or paltry Curad, when you can put some pork on your punctured pinky? (It took us two hours to write the previous line, but I think you’ll agree it was worth it.) Each Bacon Strip Bandage is 3″ x 1″ and is die-cut, so the edges are bacon-like, too. They come in decorative metal tin, and you get 15 bandages in each one. Plus, as an added bonus, there is a free toy inside each tin to help brighten your day. With something this stupid on your injury, you can’t help but feel a little better.”