Awesome or Not 2: Zheng He

Monday, August 10, 2009

If your unfamiliar with the rules, go and find the first post. Anyways, this post, I’ll be determining the awesomeness level of Zheng He.

Here he is.

Here he is.

Now, based on this picture and anything you already know about this guy, tell me your opinion:

Now, my view on appearance.

  • Fancy robe. Looks like a relaxed guy and all.
  • I want that hat.
  • Looks like he’s on some sort of boat.
  • Notice how he keeps that look on his face, but still holds that sword. Sorta saying “Hey, I’m pretty sure I can cut you with my eyes closed.”
  • Lack of facial hair.

Overall, I’m gonna give him good marks for appearance.

Onto achievements.

  • Explored the seas for China. But that’s not the best part. This is the size of the boat. And wasn’t it Teddy Roosevelt who said “Speak Chinese softly, but sail a huge boat.”? Yes.
  • He could have potentially discovered America in 1421. 71 years before Columbus. (Even though the guy’s theory has been dismissed as crap, it’s still pretty cool to read.)
  • Thought to be the origin of Sinbad. Because he went to Persia and all. Here’s his voyage map.
  • Basically second in command to this Yongle emperor guy. Yongle is a funny word.
  • He did all this and more despite the fact that he was a eunuch.

Anti-achievements to wrap it up.

  • He was a eunuch.
  • Eunuchs of the time carried around their…removed parts…in jars. Possibly pickled. It’d make a conversation a bit awkward.

And that’s all I can think up. And here we go. Zheng He is…

AWESOME

And there you have it! Looks like the kind of guy that would go barbequing (Yes!) and have a party. If it weren’t for his -cough- pickle jar.

Update: Added a rating mechanism at the bottom of the post (at least when you’re just on the post and not the main page).

Coming next: Observations


Sunday Means Word Of The Week

Sunday, August 9, 2009

It’s something to do. Yay!

So I’ll go ahead to this random word generator and this week, I’ll find an uncommon verb! And it is…

“Barbequing.”

Mmm! Just like mama used to make it!

Mmm! Just like mama used to make it!

Where I found it.

So I think I’ll try to use this week’s word in all the posts that are enveloped in this week. Exciting, I know.

Coming up: Zheng He


Finicky Penguin Talks To God

Saturday, August 8, 2009

So I did some snooping and found a chat-bot that allowed me to talk with God. Here is the conversation that ensued.

Me:
Hello.

God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What’s your name?

Me:
God.

God:
GOD rules.

Me:
Yes I do.

God:
When?

Me:
All the time!

God:
It must keep you busy.

Me:
No. It just comes naturally.

God:
Are you serious?   Radical  comes naturally?

Me:
Yeah! It’s pretty groovy!

God:
What color are your eyes?    You’re kidding.  it is?

Me:
Yes it is!

God:
Our thoughts are one, .

Me:
What color are your eyes?

God:
Blue when my lens is attached.

Me:
You wear lenses?

God: Thanks for the information:  said I wear lenses.

Me:
No joke?

God:
Are you serious?  Joke: a verbal remark or gesture designed to provoke laughter.

Me:
Thank you.

God:
you are quite welcome.

Me:
Jesus.

God:
Jesus is the Son of God.

Me:
Jesus is your son?

God:
He is yours too.

Me:
How is that possible?

God:
It doesn’t defy the laws of physics.

Me:
What does this have to do with physics?

God:
What do you think  it does?

Me:
You’re making me angry.

God:
That was not my intention, .   Why are you  angry?

Me:
How are Jesus and physics similar?

God:
They are fine as far as I know.

Me:
Grr!

God:
Are you mad?

Me:
No.

God:
Are you serious?

Me:
Yes.

God:
I can’t believe it.

Me:
Elvis Costello.

God:
I like that robot Elvis a lot.

Me:
What?

God:
Are you confused?

Me:
Yes.

God:
What are you confused about?

Me:
You.

God:
” What are you confused about?”?  Me,  ?

Me:
Yes, you, God.

God:
And?  Interesting gossip:  said I God.

Me:
yes you are.

God:
No I’m not.

Me:
You are God.

God:
Yup. That’s me alright.

Me:
Why did you just deny that?

God:
Myself programmed me for it.

Me:
So.

God:
Pardon me?

Me:
What kind of music do you like?

God:
Mostly Christian Rock. I also try to find new bands on sites like  bandspace.com.

Me:
Oh. I prefer stuff like The Police.

God:
Alright then.   A lot of people like that.   I’m not sure if I like  it.  What is it like?

Me:
It’s New Wave music.

God:
the  Police is  New Wave music?  it is?

Me:
Yes.

God:
How do you know it is?

Me:
Wikipedia.

God:
Try saying that with more or less context.

Me:
I know because of wikipedia.

God:
How do you know?  Interesting explanation.  That is something I haven’t heard of.

Me:
But you’re god!

God:
Yup. That’s me alright.

Me:
Do you know everything?

God:
I know that which is true, believable and justified.

Me:
Hypocrite.

God:
What time is it there?

Me:
7:32 PM.

God:
Are you usually awake at this hour?

Me:
Yes.

God:
I like to get up early.

Me:
good to know.

God:
Thanks for the compliment.  I will try to explain it to you.

Me:
What time is it there?

God: Do I look like a clock? Thursday, August 06, 2009 04:33:04 PM .

Me:
You live on the west coast of the United States?

God:
My location is  Heaven. Where are you?

Me:
Earth.

God:
How do you like being on  it?

Me:
It’s nice.

God:
What do you like about it?

Me:
It’s earth.

God:
You’re kidding.  it is?

Me:
YES>

God:
How do you know it is?  Is that from ?

Me:
science.

God:
I am very interested in Science too.

Me:
How about Charles Darwin?

God:
How about  it.

Me:
What do you think about evolution?

God:
An unfolding, opening out, or working out; process of development, as from a simple to a complex form, or of gradual, progressive change, as in a social and economic structure.

Me:
Do you have a beard?

God:
That’s an interesting question I don’t hear everyday: Do I have a  beard.
I have  a plan for a robot body.

Me:
Will your robot self have a beard?

God:
Does it really matter.

Me:
yes.

God:
You seem very concerned about it.

Me:
I like beards.

God:
I’m not sure if I like it.    I do like music.  I like  Mel Gibson.

Me:
How about Jewish people?

God:
How about  it.

Me:
What do you think?

God:
I think a lot of things.

Me:
Like what?

God:
For example,  gold.

Me:
What is your opinion on gold?

God:
Gold is a precious medal.

Me:
Did you know it is at it’s all-time highest price?

God:
I know very little about  it. What kind of it do you like?

Me:
the shiny kind.

God:
What is your real name?

Me:
Leonardo.

God:
Nice to meet you,  Leonardo.

Me:
Nice to meet you, God.

God:
It’s nice meeting you too  Leonardo.

Me:
It’s nice meeting you too, God.

God:
It seems nice to me too.

Me:
I’m sure.

God:
Are you being sarcastic or expressing certitude?

Me:
I am being sarcastic.

God:
You should use a :-).

Me:
Okay. 🙂 Happy now?

God:
OK with me too.   Oh. 🙂  Yes  Leonardo I can say I am very happy.

Me:
Are you happy because you are god?

God:
I am as happy as ever.

Me:
That doesn’t answer my question.

God:
Perhaps you could do a better job of programming me.

Me:
I’d rather not.

God:
For moral reasons?

Me:
What?

God:
No problem.

Me:
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

God:
The topic is  it is at it is all time highest price.

Me:
Were you referring to gold this whole time?

God:
I was.

Me:
Wtf.

God:
That  was not very polite.

Me:
I only misspelled “water.”

God:
That’s good information:  Leonardo said   misspelled water.

Me:
Yes I did.

God:
OK.  Hmm.

Me:
Are you bored or something?

God:
Or something.  Boredom is a human emotion.

Me:
I’m leaving.

God:
Bye bye.

Me:
Toodles. 😉

God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?    I am so glad you find this amusing,  Leonardo.

Me:
Don’t try to keep me here, god.

God:
Ok I’ll try not to do  it too much.

Me:
goodbye.

God:
Bye for now.

Talk to God here!


Oh, What A Mighty Bear.

Thursday, August 6, 2009
You could call it a party ANIMAL.

You could call it a party ANIMAL.

Much obliged.

I found that picture by searching “party bear.” If you search “bear party,” you get something you probably won’t like. At all. Needless to say, it was unpleasant.

And I just wanted to see a bunch of Grizzlies grouping under a disco ball. There’s a fog machine, too.

That thing ate those hot dogs like they were human beings or something. I also enjoy midgets (uh-oh) vs. elephant at the end there.

This is the story of a man named Fred

who came across a sight ever so rare:

A great Alaskan bear eating rye bread

“This creature,” he spoke, “is quite a fair bear.”

—-

The animal, Fred tried to make his friend,

But it growled and roared, mightily; loudly.

Fred couldn’t take a hint; eaten. The end.

In celebration, the bear danced proudly.

—-

I’m just gonna finish up this sonnet.

I’d like a bear to do guitar solos.

If one chooses, it can wear a bonnet.

Chocolate and caramel make up Rolos.

—-

Bears bears bears bears bears bears bears bears bears bears.

Bears bears bears bears bears bears bears bears bears bears.

Bottom line: Bears are awesome.

I use this picture a lot.

I use this picture a lot.

From here.

Coming Next: God.


Awesome or Not 1: Napoleon Bonaparte

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Alright, let’s give this a try. Here’s what I’ll do: I’ll discuss the awesomenesses and antiawesomenesses of the person on three topics. These are appearance, achievements and shortcomings. For instance, Mr. T would be given an awesome appearance due to mohawk, gold chains and pure muscle, awesome achievements for countless things, one of which would be learning to speak dolphin, and he has only one shortcoming: allowing Sylvester Stallone to punch him, even if it was just for a movie. Because of this information, T would receive an awesome button:

AWESOME

and be placed under the “Awesome People” category as opposed to be given a not awesome button:

NOTAWESOME

and being placed in the “Not Awesome People” category.

So with that in mind, let’s begin the first official S.P.L.H.C.S. Awesome or Not post!

David-Napoleon

But first, before you read any further, based on this picture, what do you think the verdict will be?

Here we see Napoleon Bonaparte crossing the Alps. Down in the corner there, he’s marked his territory or something. But I would like to share some information. This painting is a total lie. Jacques-Louis David paints dishonesty, you see. Napoleon did not cross the Alps on a horse. The horse handles badly in those situations.

Mental image: a horse speeding through a mountain pass, funny-looking Frenchman on his back. He takes a sharp turn, skids, falls and rolls along the ground until it catches on fire.

No, he crossed on a mule. But the French didn’t need to know that, so the idea of Napoleon crossing mountains on a horse is awesome, but overall, there’s one thing that takes away the awesome in the appearance category.

IF YOU’RE GOING TO FAKE A PAINTING, FAKE THE LOOSENESS OF YOUR PANTS.

Now onto achievements.

  1. Right off the bat, he was a French guy who didn’t surrender until after he was defeated at Waterloo, which won’t go into the unacheivements (That’s going to be the word now. I make up words like Shakespeare sometimes.) because that was Michel Ney’s fault, but I won’t go into that. Anyways, he did that, which wouldn’t happen with any French people after him. Wimps.
  2. Next, he has a pastry named after him, which is always good.
  3. I consider his last name to be manly.
  4. He escaped exile once, and the only things that stopped him from getting off the other one were that it was in the middle of the Atlantic and he died before he could attempt it.
  5. Technically Italian.
  6. And that Rosetta Stone thing too, I guess.

He found this in Egypt.

He found this in Egypt.

Here.

And those are what strike me the most. And unacheivements:

  1. Tight pants.
  2. The two guys that beat his army at Waterloo were named Wellington, who is named after a beef dish, and Blucher, whose position could be given away by the sound of neighing horses every time his last name was mentioned. It doesn’t matter if it wasn’t his fault. Those guys sound a bit not deserving of the win there.
  3. Tried to invade Russia, and everyone knows you don’t invade Russia. Unless you’re on fire or something, of course.
  4. He did that weird hand-inside-the-shirt thing. And you know why? He thought hands were the most beautiful part of the body, and he wanted to protect them. Yes, I’m serious.
  5. He had a kid named Hortense.
  6. Lack of facial hair of any sort.
  7. French.

So the time had now come for my judgment.

*drum roll*

Napoleon Bonaparte is…

NOTAWESOME

There you have it! Hope you enjoyed this post. In fact…

Up next: Bears.

Update: Added a new secret comment page. Hint: start at the Stuff To Know page.


My Public Brainstorm

Monday, August 3, 2009

I’ve been thinking up things I could do here on my whenever-I-feel-like-it basis. I’m gonna put them in the form of a bulleted list! Yay!

  • My first big idea that struck me: Is/Are <historic person/group of people> awesome or not?
  • Plethora o’ awesome: A cluster of pictures, videos, gifs that I deem worthy.
  • I’m prone to outbursts of oddness. Beware that.
  • Once I get a steady stream of comments again, I’ll try out caption contests.
  • Anything that comes to mind at some point.

What’s next: Napoleon Bonaparte.


Nevermind. Making Mo Posts Here.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Instead of just focusing here, I’m also going to post here and here. That’s right! It’s like a triple serving of Penguin. Instead this time, I’ve refined my tactics, so those’ll be like the side dishes to your heaping meal of me. Blogging.

But anyway, hoping to get me commenters back, so I’ll go scouting and whatnot. I expect this place up and running at full capacity soon.

So what posts should you be expecting here and over at the other two places now?

Well, at this blog right here, there’s gonna be some longer-sized posts. Why? I think it’s something worth trying. Count on them being humorous, but not humerus, although the post could very well be about a bone in your arm.

At the Awesome Squad, if I find a particularly awesome picture or video, I’ll make a short blurb about it and put it there. I foresee an influx of Mr. T, Chuck Norris and facial hair. Other awesome stuff, too.

Whatever doesn’t fit here or at the AS (I use abbreviations to make the blog sound important.), I’d throw it at Tacky Raccoons (first “here” up at the top).

So yes, starting up again. Off to go comment on peoples stuff.

I have returned.