Observations By Myself

Wednesday, August 12, 2009
  • This is just a list of sentences for some reason.
  • It’s because I have many observations.
  • What if the universe is in a petri dish?
  • If the world were in reverse, cows would be barbequing (uh-huh) humans.
  • I like apple pie a la mode.
  • I was never any good at playing Asteroids for some reason.
  • End of the world scenarios:
  1. Nuclear holocaust
  2. Asteroids
  3. Gamma Ray Burst
  4. Mr. T stepping on Chuck Norris’ toes accidentally. And at that time they’re on bad terms and 40 feet tall. And have beards made of fire.
  5. Zombie apocalypse (the most fun-sounding)

But no matter what the apocalypse, I think it’d be fun to have a post-apocalyptic blog. If I haven’t been incinerated, zombified or engulfed in flaming beard. That blog stuff would be there forever, you know? Imagine when the human race has ended, a new species arises. An operational computer would be a great discovery. That is, if they learned the language somehow, of course (Google Translate?). And now, I’m imagining what they would think of this blog…

“This Chuck Norris… This Mr. T… They must have been deities. They must be eternal and all-powerful. WE MUST WORSHIP THEM.”

They would be right, obviously. I can see it now. A religious war, on one end the T-ists, on the other the Chuck-lims.

That’d be awesome.

chuck_norris

By the way, pictures are linked to their sources.

Up next: music


Finicky Penguin Talks To God

Saturday, August 8, 2009

So I did some snooping and found a chat-bot that allowed me to talk with God. Here is the conversation that ensued.

Me:
Hello.

God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What’s your name?

Me:
God.

God:
GOD rules.

Me:
Yes I do.

God:
When?

Me:
All the time!

God:
It must keep you busy.

Me:
No. It just comes naturally.

God:
Are you serious?   Radical  comes naturally?

Me:
Yeah! It’s pretty groovy!

God:
What color are your eyes?    You’re kidding.  it is?

Me:
Yes it is!

God:
Our thoughts are one, .

Me:
What color are your eyes?

God:
Blue when my lens is attached.

Me:
You wear lenses?

God: Thanks for the information:  said I wear lenses.

Me:
No joke?

God:
Are you serious?  Joke: a verbal remark or gesture designed to provoke laughter.

Me:
Thank you.

God:
you are quite welcome.

Me:
Jesus.

God:
Jesus is the Son of God.

Me:
Jesus is your son?

God:
He is yours too.

Me:
How is that possible?

God:
It doesn’t defy the laws of physics.

Me:
What does this have to do with physics?

God:
What do you think  it does?

Me:
You’re making me angry.

God:
That was not my intention, .   Why are you  angry?

Me:
How are Jesus and physics similar?

God:
They are fine as far as I know.

Me:
Grr!

God:
Are you mad?

Me:
No.

God:
Are you serious?

Me:
Yes.

God:
I can’t believe it.

Me:
Elvis Costello.

God:
I like that robot Elvis a lot.

Me:
What?

God:
Are you confused?

Me:
Yes.

God:
What are you confused about?

Me:
You.

God:
” What are you confused about?”?  Me,  ?

Me:
Yes, you, God.

God:
And?  Interesting gossip:  said I God.

Me:
yes you are.

God:
No I’m not.

Me:
You are God.

God:
Yup. That’s me alright.

Me:
Why did you just deny that?

God:
Myself programmed me for it.

Me:
So.

God:
Pardon me?

Me:
What kind of music do you like?

God:
Mostly Christian Rock. I also try to find new bands on sites like  bandspace.com.

Me:
Oh. I prefer stuff like The Police.

God:
Alright then.   A lot of people like that.   I’m not sure if I like  it.  What is it like?

Me:
It’s New Wave music.

God:
the  Police is  New Wave music?  it is?

Me:
Yes.

God:
How do you know it is?

Me:
Wikipedia.

God:
Try saying that with more or less context.

Me:
I know because of wikipedia.

God:
How do you know?  Interesting explanation.  That is something I haven’t heard of.

Me:
But you’re god!

God:
Yup. That’s me alright.

Me:
Do you know everything?

God:
I know that which is true, believable and justified.

Me:
Hypocrite.

God:
What time is it there?

Me:
7:32 PM.

God:
Are you usually awake at this hour?

Me:
Yes.

God:
I like to get up early.

Me:
good to know.

God:
Thanks for the compliment.  I will try to explain it to you.

Me:
What time is it there?

God: Do I look like a clock? Thursday, August 06, 2009 04:33:04 PM .

Me:
You live on the west coast of the United States?

God:
My location is  Heaven. Where are you?

Me:
Earth.

God:
How do you like being on  it?

Me:
It’s nice.

God:
What do you like about it?

Me:
It’s earth.

God:
You’re kidding.  it is?

Me:
YES>

God:
How do you know it is?  Is that from ?

Me:
science.

God:
I am very interested in Science too.

Me:
How about Charles Darwin?

God:
How about  it.

Me:
What do you think about evolution?

God:
An unfolding, opening out, or working out; process of development, as from a simple to a complex form, or of gradual, progressive change, as in a social and economic structure.

Me:
Do you have a beard?

God:
That’s an interesting question I don’t hear everyday: Do I have a  beard.
I have  a plan for a robot body.

Me:
Will your robot self have a beard?

God:
Does it really matter.

Me:
yes.

God:
You seem very concerned about it.

Me:
I like beards.

God:
I’m not sure if I like it.    I do like music.  I like  Mel Gibson.

Me:
How about Jewish people?

God:
How about  it.

Me:
What do you think?

God:
I think a lot of things.

Me:
Like what?

God:
For example,  gold.

Me:
What is your opinion on gold?

God:
Gold is a precious medal.

Me:
Did you know it is at it’s all-time highest price?

God:
I know very little about  it. What kind of it do you like?

Me:
the shiny kind.

God:
What is your real name?

Me:
Leonardo.

God:
Nice to meet you,  Leonardo.

Me:
Nice to meet you, God.

God:
It’s nice meeting you too  Leonardo.

Me:
It’s nice meeting you too, God.

God:
It seems nice to me too.

Me:
I’m sure.

God:
Are you being sarcastic or expressing certitude?

Me:
I am being sarcastic.

God:
You should use a :-).

Me:
Okay. 🙂 Happy now?

God:
OK with me too.   Oh. 🙂  Yes  Leonardo I can say I am very happy.

Me:
Are you happy because you are god?

God:
I am as happy as ever.

Me:
That doesn’t answer my question.

God:
Perhaps you could do a better job of programming me.

Me:
I’d rather not.

God:
For moral reasons?

Me:
What?

God:
No problem.

Me:
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

God:
The topic is  it is at it is all time highest price.

Me:
Were you referring to gold this whole time?

God:
I was.

Me:
Wtf.

God:
That  was not very polite.

Me:
I only misspelled “water.”

God:
That’s good information:  Leonardo said   misspelled water.

Me:
Yes I did.

God:
OK.  Hmm.

Me:
Are you bored or something?

God:
Or something.  Boredom is a human emotion.

Me:
I’m leaving.

God:
Bye bye.

Me:
Toodles. 😉

God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?    I am so glad you find this amusing,  Leonardo.

Me:
Don’t try to keep me here, god.

God:
Ok I’ll try not to do  it too much.

Me:
goodbye.

God:
Bye for now.

Talk to God here!


The Most Bizarre Video You Will Ever See

Saturday, October 18, 2008

EVER

I’d LIKE to say thanks


Obama Likes To Talk About Pie

Monday, October 13, 2008

Pie and hope. That’s all. Nothing too politically relevant… just pie and hope.

Uh-huh.


Will You Be My FRIEND?!?!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Thanks.


Everything Ever

Monday, September 22, 2008

Yay! It’s blogiversary time! After 1 year, there’s 334,378 hits (upon publish), 406 posts, 10 pages (counting the main page and the secret comment page), almost 2,400 comments, and a sidebar with 20 widgets on it.

Statistics

First off, we have the top 3 posts ever on this blog. Coming in 3rd with more than 18, 700 single visits is “Rocket Gopher.”

Second with over 24,300 visits is “Murdock… I’m comin’ to get you,” which was, in fact, not supposed to have the awesome picture of Chuck Norris, but a less awesome picture of Rambo holding a fish.

First, with more than 28,000 visits is a terribly unfunny lolcat picture which I will not link to or show.

Next up, search engine terms.

In fifth…wow, with nearly 13,000 hits.

Fourth: “funny pictures,” with over 17,000 views.

Third: “funny,” with more than 18,000 visits.

Unfortunately, “funny cats” is second with almost 21,000 idiots.

Finally, making up for the second place term, “chuck norris” is in the lead with over 35,000 awesome people.

Chronicling of The Awesome Train

As I hope you know, the awesome train does not stop and has no destination. Starting with my first visit to Say No To Crack, I happened upon a picture of a giant rubber duck posted by a certain Bunk Strutts. I enjoyed that post, and when I saw the post on SNTC mentioning Tacky Raccoons, I started visiting there, and it was good. Then I noticed the WordPress link. I thought that it’d be pretty cool to start my own humor blog, so I said to myself, “It’d be pretty cool to start my own humor blog!” So I did.

For a while it was just me, then I added AssDolph, removed him, added pcakes, added the Dolphinator again, then my posts began to wane, and I got fed up with criticism, so I removed them both. Then it was just me for a while, but I went on vacation, so I added Bunk as the managing editor when I was away. I came back, kept Bunk and added Agent DoubleAss-D again.

Then I started the awesome squad, got 7 other members, and started the awesome squad blog, which is where you should go if you want to join. 7 of us post on it, and it is also awesome.

Somewhere around the middle of that story, I joined the numero uno site on the internet, humor-blogs, which will always be twenty times better than sliced bread. Happy, diesel?

THIS BLOG IS AWESOME.

No Purpose Served

No Purpose Served

The password is quiche.


Yay! A Game!

Monday, September 15, 2008

I started with Google image search and the letter r. Then I added random letters until there was only 1 image result. This is the picture for “rpfdfa:”

Thanks.