Ah’m Mr. T, an’ I came here on dis tank Snickas gave me befo’ they passed me up fo a skinny white dude wit a guitar and a brotha wit a manipulative last name! Grrrrrrrrrr! It really frazzles mah beard, ya know?
But the point ah be sayin is I’ma hunkah down here until I git an actin opportunity beyon’ Flavorwave ovens.
You foos watch dat?
You see what ah mean.
Anyway, ah’m providin’ the word of this week: “pity.”
Once again, on a basis of previous knowledge and appearance, what do you think?
He has a funny hat. Wait… is that a hat? I have no idea.
All representations of him are made in rock or metal, so you can tell he’s a pretty solid guy. Click.
The first person I’ve judged to have facial hair. That’s good marks.
And on account of him being dead for 4224 years, that’s all I have for appearance. I’m gonna milk him of achievements and unachievements. Mostly from wikipedia. Here goes nothing.
The story of his life is called the “Sargon Legend,” which is pretty much pimping.
Overthrew this guy in the city-state of Kish after he became the guy’s cup-bearer. That was apparently significant back then, and better than man-fanner, grape-bowl-holder, etc. But I’m not quite sure how it was better than liquid-pourer. If I was a cup-bearer, I wouldn’t want to start handing people random cups, granted that would be fun, standing out in the streets, giving passers-by cups. But enough of that.
He made the first empire in history to ever exist ever. That’s pretty impressive.
He had a cool name.
Why did I choose this guy? Anyway, unachievements:
He may be some bible guy named Nimrod. Yes. Nimrod.
He has a great-great-great grandchild named Dudu.
And that’s all I have to say. This is a tough decision… I’m gonna have to make him…
I came back with “kaver.” And you wanna know what a kaver is? It’s a gentle breeze in these islands by Scotland. Look at how depressing the wikipedia page is. And they call it an orphan right on the site. That’s a real downer.
Please, sir. May I have some more?
When they say obscure, they mean obscure. You know what? I’m gonna get an obscure adjective to describe kaver.
Unexultant Kaver. Is it just me or does that sound like some sort of Indie band? Speaking of which, if you go through my more recent posts, you’ll find a list of band names. Just tack Unexultant Kaver to the bottom of that list if you happen to read it sometime.