I see by the clock on the wall that my time is just about up here. Marshall Penguin is due in sometime tomorrow, which means I prolly need to get going tonight. Just one last thing before I go. I want y’all to know you’ve been great to spend time with, and I’m a-gonna have fond memories of each and everyone of you. (The parade was a hoot!) Y’all made me feel like a hundred bucks.
As for y’all who have volunteered to do so, watch for the Marshal’s approach from the east. I’ll be heading west. If he asks, tell him that snakes and wolverines emptied his refrigerator of all the beer and mangos, not me, and that the milk was already green and lumpy when I found it. His bottle of cabernet sprung a leak, too, but I cleaned it up.
If he asks about the basement, well, it was an accident. The Coleman stove tipped over on the pool table while we were a-grilliin’ and a-shootin’. His fire insurance should cover most of it.
Don’t tell him about the hole.
I left my badge in the 2nd drawer next to the sink. It’s under his collection of Del Taco hot sauce and ketchup packets.
Fondly, and with advanced tublication,
Your Pal, Bunk Strutts
[Top image from here.]
P.S. Did I tell y’all I have a website?