In case you’re wondering, I’m using a Starbucks that I’ve found in the jungles. Additionally, I’ve trapped another wombat, named him Pancake, and trained him as if he was a dog. Okay, time for Monsterday 4! Coincidentally, this is also the 300th post!
Let’s get this show on the road! First off, Aquos Intellectus Blobbus, or the Aquatic Intellectual Blob, this monster is remarkably similar to the last monster of Monsterday 3, although it adapted to water. These monsters are internet goers and use the five Starbucks in the Atlantic Ocean for free Wi-Fi. I had a blog posting alliance with one recently, but it tried to eat my brain. Here’s an example of speech:
“I think that I’m going to change this image (the one for non-logged in users) with shock images (I have a pet GOAT if you know what I mean.”
The brain mass of this monster is slightly smaller because lightning can not reach its head bolts. As for brain draining, this monster typically preys upon divers and sailors who’s boat crashed (ever heard of the USS Indianapolis?). Without an artificial straw for the draining of brains, these monsters have tentacles to grab prey from far away.
Next, Pointus Medusas Tiggerus Hypnotus, or the Hypnotic Medusa Arrowhead Spring-Monster. These monsters tend to complain. Families of this species are close, and they usually go on ships as one group. Also, they can live for well over 100 years and remain able-bodied. The last two sentences state why these monsters are in the monster Navy. One ship filled with the species sailed to my blog for supplies because it’s obvious that my blog is a port city, and I heard one of them say this:
“Mom! He won’t stay on his side of the warship!”
Another reason these things are in the monster Navy: They’re killing machines! They have arms that can support heavy amounts of weight, such as heavy machine guns, they can move quickly because of their spring, when in close combat, they can either turn their enemies to stone or hypnotize them to turn on their own allies, and they are living torpedoes! In a naval battle these things will open hatches on the sides of the ship, pull their bodies back, and spring over into the enemy ship. From here, they can do 2 things:
Avoid these things at all costs!
Wow, I’ve used a lot of words already. I’m at about 400 now. Let’s continue with…
Rataillicus Hornus, or the Rat-Tailed Horned Monster. I’ll say this right now: these monsters are horribly stupid. Other than what I witnessed it say:
“ 😀 “
Typical speech for this species is:
These monsters are also pretty fast, and their arms aren’t very long, usually making them charge with their horns when in combat, making them perfect for monster bull fights! If you intend see one of these, do not wear anything turquoise, for that is the color that it charges at. A fun thing to do is give it a “peace” offering. If one approaches you, give it a marshmallow peep. Those things are like peanut butter to a dog. It’ll run around in a circle licking at the roof of their mouth.
Next up, Feminus Crabbicus Standardus, or the Standard Lipstick-Wearing Crab Monster. This monster is very strange in speech and in manner. One of them commented on a post of mine involving a dreaded lolcat and said:
“LOL AWSOME! ILL REVEIW THIS . . .”
When it said that it was going to review something, I followed it back to its lair and found no blogs in sight.
Like most of the Crabbicus family, they are mostly elusive or extinct. Expeditions into undersea caves, where these monsters are thought to live, have failed because of attacks by Aquos Intellectus Blobbus. This might show some sort of union between the two monsters. OR the monsters are just hungry for some more brains. Meh.
I’ll finish things off with Hovereer Orbus Vampirus, or the Hovering Vampire Orb. Despite their name, these monsters are very peaceful and have complimented me on my blog before, saying:
“hehe – that was funny!”
Because they are vampires, they tend to only drain blood from badgers, raccoons, and wombats (Pancake?). Although they can get used to this type of blood (Pancake, are you alright?), they can sometimes be driven mad by the urge to drink human blood and will go on a frenzy, killing everyone in sight (Oh, God, PANCAKE!).
I have to go! I think one of them just killed Pancake!
[Don’t forget – Tomorrow, June 17th is FireFox’s Guinness Book of World Records Download Day! Info here.]