The Temple Of Chuck Norris

All things Chuck Norris will be placed here and in their actual posts.

Here is Chuck Norris toilet paper:


 

This has been getting a lot of views lately.

The Ten Commandments of Chuck Norris

  1. Thou shalt not doubt Chuck Norris’ fighting ability.
  2. Thou shalt not utter falsities about Chuck Norris.
  3. Thou shalt watch thy back in Texas.
  4. Thou shalt vote Huckabee.
  5. Thou shalt heartily accept roundhouse kicks.
  6. When visiting Chuck Norris, thou shalt use his toilet paper.
  7. Thou shalt proclaim the manliness of Chuck Norris’ beard.
  8. Thou shalt pay homage to the Texas Ranger badge.
  9. Thou shalt visit the official website.
  10. Thou shalt accept the fact that Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

.

.

.

.

Click here to continue to page 2, the Wat.

 

49 Responses to The Temple Of Chuck Norris

  1. Thank you person. Kumo, they have an equal amount of awesomeness.

  2. SpartanW0lf3 says:

    i got some good Chuck Norris jokes:

    Chuck Norris doesnt wear superman pajamas superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas

    Chuck Norris doesnt read books, he stares them down till he gets the inforfmation out of them

    Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

    When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.

    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

    If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

    ****These will b all of the Chuck Norris jokes i will post until further notice from finicky penguin

  3. You’re disobeying the 2nd commandment of Chuck.

  4. SpartanW0lf3 says:

    if i broke the 2nd commandment of chuck, then that means mike huckabee did, yet he still likes him

  5. SpartanW0lf3 says:

    and besides, who said any of that was false? i got that info from chuck himself

    so do u like the jokes?

  6. They’re fine, but please stop flooding and keep in mind that this is a clean humor site. When I said post regularly, I didn’t mean make a flood. I don’t want to mark your comments as spam, but I will if necessary. Sorry.

  7. SpartanW0lf3 says:

    i forgot about that, and ill stop spamming

  8. SpartanW0lf3 says:

    and since most of the time i have no life, i can find some good stuff for ur site if u like

  9. I think that I’m fine, thanks. :lol:

  10. SpartanW0lf3 says:

    gotcha

  11. SpartanW0lf3 says:

    hey finicky, u do know who i am…right?

  12. kuma says:

    Need I repost the commandment COMBO BREAKER-s here ?

  13. No. I already PWND you on the normal post.

  14. SpartanW0lf3 says:

    just making sure, cuz u dont act like ur normal self

  15. jason says:

    I’ve cut and pasted these chuck norris jokes on my blog because I almost pissed myself when I read them and had to share them :)

    http://blog.youporium.com/

  16. Can’t find them on there. I’m trusting you gave my site credit?

  17. Loventails says:

    Sometimes I feel I want to stab you.

  18. Unlike the weighted companion cube, who will not try to stab me.

  19. [...] Penguin helps you decide for yourselves with his awesome collections here and here. Don’t forget [...]

  20. christian carrero says:

    jesus can walk on water. Chuck Norris can swim through land.

  21. kow carrero says:

    Jesus could kick Chuck Norris’s butt. Chuck Norris can butt Jesus’ kick.

  22. Ah! The green pingback monster!

    And both of those statements are true.

  23. chuck's mum says:

    GET LOST MR T!!!! MA CHUCKIE BOY IS WAY BETTA THAN YOU!!!!

  24. [...] will ever answer, like, why was Family Matters on air for so long, and who gave Chuck Norris his own comic book?  All I know is, any guy with his own Apple widget is pretty hard to poke fun at.  And let’s [...]

  25. Bo says:

    Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

    There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

    There is no chin under Chuck Norris’ Beard. There is only another fist.

    Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

    The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.

    Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

    Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting…. CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.

    Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks. (New!)

    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

    Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

    Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

    The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

    Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

    Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re all poisonous.

    If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

    Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

    When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

    The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.

    Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken’s famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

    CNN was originally created as the “Chuck Norris Network” to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

    Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

    There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

    Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

    What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris’ victims before they died? His shoe.

    Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

    Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11…. a suicide.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

    A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

    Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

    Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

    If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

    Chuck Norris originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”

    Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.

    The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

    Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

    Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

    Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

    Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

    Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

    Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

    Faster than a speeding bullet … more powerful than a locomotive … able to leap tall buildings in a single bound… yes, these are some of Chuck Norris’s warm-up exercises.

    Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

    In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

    Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell “What The Hell was That?”

    Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.

    The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

    In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

    According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American “Trail of Tears” has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.

    Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

    Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

    When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

    There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

    Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck’s gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

    Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

  26. SpartanW0lf3 says:

    heres a question, is Chuck Norris God? or is God Chuck Norris…

  27. epicurienne says:

    I’ve had to share this page with my colleagues and friends. It’s had me crying with laughter. The pictures were amusing enough, but the comments?Still CRYING.
    Best of all I like the killing ants with a magnifying glass at night and Chuck Norris swimming through land… Crying. Did I tell you I’m crying? Too funny.

  28. Comments make the post 100% funnier.

  29. christian says:

    hi people
    I whole heartedly love the template of finickypenguin.wordpress.com. Looks good, keep it up!
    anyways..
    Im a very “devoted” christian and I guess I have a few questions on my mind..
    I’ve been thinking a lot about dating.. but im not sure where to go with that.
    My brothers have been telling me christian dating is the way to go.. so I’ve done a little research on *bleep* and found some stuff on *bleep*
    Would be awesome to listen to your input.

    YOU JUST HAVE BEEN BLEEPED. TAKE THAT!

  30. christian says:

    Let me begin by saying that i love your blog finickypenguin.wordpress.com a lot
    now.. back to business haha
    I cant say that fully agree with what you wrote… care to explain more?

    Your name no longer links to a dating service.

  31. duct tape ninja says:

    o my gosh! i almost wizzed wen i saw this! XD

  32. duct tape ninja says:

    here,i got one: wen jesus was born 4 wise man relly came not 3.The forth was chuck and he brot the gift of the beard. thats way he always has a beard in paintings and stuff . d:{)

  33. duct tape ninja says:

    sorry tipe so bad.doing it on a psp :]

  34. Limas Suttan says:

    Chuck Norris created dragons by roundhouse kicking a cow, Gandolf and Leonidos in to a firypit that was created by Chuck Norris.

  35. Chuck Norris is a legend for sure.

  36. [...] fine specimen for FinPeng’s Archive. Related posts [...]

  37. Anysek says:

    Know you why Chuck Norris don’t know abou this website?Because he delete all net..:D

  38. hehe says:

    when Chuck Norris sleeps he gives freddy krugger nightmares

  39. Random says:

    Chuck Norris is so crazy he met the Wish Master and told the dude he’d better be careful how he grants his wishes…
    Then Chuck realized the Wish Master was about to get uppity as soon as he tried his pathetic evil eye thingy,
    WABLAM* (roundhouse to the face)

    Then he met Chucky…
    Let’s just say Chucky didn’t get lucky that day…and since he tried to bite Chuck Norrises ankles…might not ever again

  40. Random says:

    And BTW Chuck Norris auditioned for Dragonball Z and they told him that his power level was too high

  41. Random says:

    P.S. Chuck Norris AND Jesus were pitying fools way before Mr. T ever learned the meaning of pity
    (which he learned from either Jesus or
    Chuck not quite sure ;)

  42. Random says:

    I know you ppl r probly gonna laugh at me… But I think Chuck Norris just may be the inspiration behind Elton John’s famous track “I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues”

    Ok I was bad…I’ll stop now…:P

  43. BOOOO MISTER T says:

    I PITY DA FOO…
    WHO THINKS MR. T IS EVER CLOSE TO CHUCK NORRIS’ GODLINESS.

  44. chuck norris says:

    I don’t understand y all of you people are bagging on Norris because it all is stupid not funny

  45. chuck norris says:

    and I am going to round house kick all of you in the face

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

%d bloggers like this: